As newlyweds, you both are excited about your new home, living together for the first time as husband and wife and building a family together. There are so many positive things to look forward to. But, in the midst of all the happiness, some troubling situations may surface. You quickly realize marriage is not as simple as you may have imagined.

THAT, is when you realize, there are some things you need to live by……..

By Michelle Horton

Six years ago this December, I stood in a wood-paneled courtroom and awkwardly exchanged wedding rings with my boyfriend. I was wearing a brown dress, the only dress that fit over my 8-month pregnant belly, and he was wearing a casual button-down shirt.

We recited the lines we were told to say — for better or worse, in sickness and in health... yada yada yada. And that was about it. Married!!!

To be honest, the marriage vows were a means to an end, the end being a marriage certificate and then a new family of three with one cozy last name. I assumed that our promises were understood without some grand public declaration (and by public, I mean four family members and a small-town mayor): We would do what it takes to make our relationship work, come hell or high water.

Turns out, hell came knocking pretty quickly. Our holy matrimony was challenged with worse times, poorer times, and serious sickness. Through it all, we saw the gritty inner workings of not only marriage but of love.

We learned more about ourselves and our partnership than we ever expected. I guess that makes sense, right? Maybe the only way to really understand marriage is to go through one. But then how can we make promises about something we haven’t experienced?

Knowing what I know now, marriage vows are important. They remind us to keep holding on or they raise red flags to aspects of a relationship that need some attention. But marriage vows tend to be lofty, idealistic promises dripping in romance or generic, one-size-fits-all covenants that leave no room for nuance or reality. They often don’t reflect the real promises needed in a healthy partnership, which are different for each couple.

If I were to do it again, I’d have a new set of marriage vows to give but to also expect in return. Here are the vows I should’ve made on my wedding day:

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